Dis and Dat

In his reference to twins, Kahlil Gibran wrote, “You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore but let there be spaces in your togetherness.” To me this profound expression characterizes what growing up with sisters who are identical twins can be. Twins are similarly different, it’s all about Dis and Dat.

In my family, we have a lifetime packed with memories about two beings that have grown closer together as the years passed. They been so much a part of my life, I can’t imagine a more blessed experience. Often I am asked to choose, who is the most stubborn, who is the most opinionated, who is the nicest, who is the smartest and on and on. Of all the things the twin sisters taught me, the most important lesson is that you never come between twins. Only their children are allowed to choose sides, I know enough not to enter that battlefield and even if I knew the answer, I know better than to express it out loud.

Along with my oldest sister, my parents were faced the task of raising 3 babies during World War II; blissfully hoping their family was complete. Surprised, I was born 5 years later and five females in one house with one bathroom would be a challenge under any circumstance. With the twins, we just doubled the fun. In this house filled with estrogen, we survived, not by maturing, that’s for sure. We most definitely grew in size but did not really change in attitude or become wise old women later in life; we are products of our time, same as we always were, never experiencing any lack of the necessities, joy, devotion or love. My dad, shaking his head, would simply say his ovaries were hurting. As the twins grew, the bond that held them together before birth never broke, even through their marriages, childbirth and the loss of their spouses due to terminal illnesses.

I never thought that they looked the same but as identical twins others could not tell whether one was dis one or dat one. But in all their similarities there are hidden differences or spaces, if you know where to look, nuances that define their individuality and makes knowing them one big exciting lifetime of stories that are unbelievable, hilarious, heartwarming, and true. They have their own twin language and complete each other’s thoughts and sentences in an uncanny manner. They aged similarly through the years with their jet-black hair graying by the time they were 40 years old and is now snow white. They are the epitome a true miracle, same DNA but with different fingerprints.

My sisters, known as the “Cotton Tops” by the Board members, are basically indescribable. Here is a lame attempt to do it anyway and summarize the lessons that they have taught me about life. Their escapades are rich in humor, joy, sorrow, and sprinkled with common sense. Lessons that I have learned from them are wise and practical and I believe I am a better person because I learned from the best. As a baby Dis and Dat took my wooden blocks away from me because I might swallow them. They learned an important lesson that day; Baby Sister rules the world. But as it turns out, Baby Sister is the real student.

Anything you tell one, even in the utmost confidentiality, is passed on to the other by some process of telekinesis, smoke signal, carrier pigeon or just by blabbing. I would never tell them my innermost secrets especially Christmas secrets, it is not safe; there would be no surprises. Good people have been seriously burned for failing this lesson.

Dis and Dat have proven that you can do something really stupid but it is the way life is meant to be. They have been known to drive through fast food restaurants, forgetting to order at the speaker, only to realize the mistake when the cashier started handing them drinks and food out of the pick-up window. “We didn’t order drinks, in fact we didn’t order at all. Live with it.”

Dis and Dat have on many occasions laughed so hard that they lost control of their bladders. Many times they would leave home to go to the store and return before reaching the store, being tickled by something and find it necessary to return home to change clothes. These trips were so predictable my dad would say, “They’ll be back soon.”

Someone told them once that they had never seen older twins, to which one twin replied, what did you think, we just died young. Walking away, Dat said, “Asshole.” But they know that they look alike and on occasion will dress alike. They often go their separate ways when shopping and one day, Dat couldn’t find Dis in a department store, passed a mirror and said, “There you are; I’ve been looking for you.”

Both Dis and Dat are very judgmental of other people and will not hold back in letting you know their dislikes. The communication again can be by smoke signals, phone call, telegram or teletwin. When you are placed on the dislike list, there is no redemption; you are disliked forever by both of them.

Dis says she is looking for a rich man to spend some time with along with some of his money. One day at the grocery store a man struck up a conversation with Dat, resulting in his asking her out to dinner. Dat replied, ‘Why would I do that, I don’t even know you.” He said, “Of course you do Dis.” Her reply; “Well, you don’t know much; I’m not Dis.” Later Dis eagerly asked Dat to describe the man. Dat said he had on a blue shirt and khaki pants. Frustrated Dis said, but what if he changes clothes? So now we spend our time looking for a man in a blue shirt and khaki pants, a practical and priceless conclusion for such an encounter since no other description could be offered.

To summarize, here are some of the lessons I have learned over my years knowing Dis and Dat:

• Don’t ever come between the twins.
• There is no such thing as a secret.
• Live life in the moment.
• Laugh till you wet your pants.
• The world is made up of assholes.
• If I don’t like you, it is forever.
• Family comes before anything else.
• Fear me because I have a sister and I’m not afraid to use her.

Kahlil Gibran finished his statement with the line, “And let the winds of heaven dance between you.” Dis and Dat dance together and dance with joy. For me, it is hard to tell if they are two people in one body or one body divided into two. But I know with certainty there is one heart of gold joining two beings that are both Dis and Dat. To which I might add, double the pleasure, double the fun.