Tele-Nuisance

My Medicare coverage has been discontinued, my Microsoft access has been terminated and a warrant has been issued for my arrest in West Virginia. Telemarketers! Robo Calls! Call them what you may but I get from five to seven of these calls per day. Anyone might question why I keep my phone landline, probably for sentimental reasons, but daily I also get the same number on my cell phone – that’s almost one hundred calls per week. There should be a law.

And there is. So many people complained about calls from telemarketers that the federal government responded with a Do-Not-Call-Registry under the authority of the Telephone Consumer Protection Act (TCPA) in 1991. This law incorporates the administrative efforts of the Federal Communications Commission and the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) and includes both national and international telemarketing calls. Under the law, once a telephone number is on the Registry, commercial telemarketers are prohibited from calling and must remove your number from their call list within 31 days. This sounds great – a solution to all the unwanted phone calls – a renewed faith in the government. I am registered on this Do-Not-Call list but I still receive one hundred calls a week. Why doesn’t this law work? The answer is because of the exceptions to the law allowing calls from various salesmen, charitable foundations, educational institutions, medical suppliers of inconstancy products shipped in discrete packaging, and entities that you have previously done business with.  These exceptions defeat the intent of any curative effect of the statute; hence, my phone is constantly ringing.

One saving grace with all the ringing is Caller ID; at least I know not to answer a call I do not want, especially those from Private Callers, Unavailables, and Unknowns. By my being on the prohibited call list, violators could be punished with hefty fines, but the marketers have become more sophisticated. Telemarketers have gained access to local area codes, making the call appear to be someone local. These calls mimic local emergency calls from schools, doctor’s offices, and others that you may need to talk to. The numbers change frequently making tracking them difficult. Blocking calls have not worked for me but for a monthly fee, cell phone apps can block such calls. In the words of Mammy from Gone With the Wind, “It ain’t fittin’, it just ain’t fittin’.” Paying not to receive something you didn’t want in the first place is un-American.

Everyday I get calls from the Maryland State Government, North Carolina State, WCF (supposedly the Women’s Cancer Fund but why anyone would want to fund cancer for Women, I don’t know), a Benefits Department (whatever they may be) and someone in Warrior, Alabama (previously visited because I took the wrong road). Yesterday I got a call from Prosser, Washington. I search this city on the internet and found that residents must have a dog tag, can get free swim diapers after paying to get into the pool, and must obtain a $2.00 permit for a yard sale and are limited to two per year. Sounds reasonable except for the swim diapers, that’s scary. I don’t know anyone who lives Prosser and could not find out why anyone would call me from there, but it could be that I went to a yard sale one time.

Periodically, I get calls from a College I attended soliciting donations to their scholarship programs. I routinely told them to send me written information about their request and stopped answering the calls afterwards. One time I received a call during a Board Meeting, handed the phone to a Board Member, and told him to tell the caller that I had died. He did. The next week I received a sympathy card from them expressing their condolences over my demise. But I still get calls from the school on a regular basis proving that Jesuits never give up. Neither do telemarketers.

I don’t get calls from people I would like to hear from. Rod Stewart has yet to call. Nick Saban doesn’t call, nor does Pope Francis. Yoda, I hear from not. But if it should happen, I would be happy to take their solicitations under consideration.