At one point during my career, I was a teacher at a parochial school, not by any calling to that honorable profession. Everyone has to be somewhere, so there I was, an overeducated under achiever. Teaching the quadratic equation to juniors in high school would be an easy thing to do, as would teaching The Canterbury Tales. But that’s not what I did. I taught Theology. It became obvious to me that high school students do not want to know about God much less what is right or wrong behavior predetermined by any authoritative figure. Needless to say, teaching Theology was a difficult task. On my way to school each morning, I offered the same simple prayer, “Please Lord, don’t let me kill any students today. But if I fail, please grant that no one digs up the floor in my classroom.”

 

In order to reduce the teaching stress lessons, daily proverbial lessons composed during the drive to school were written on the board each day. The gospel is still growing and will continue to be posted routinely.

 

Chapter One

 

  1. God created the heavens and earth in seven days, mankind created nuclear weapons and squeeze cheese.

 

  1. “Hey Eve, if you want to be like God, I’ve got an app for that,” said the snake.

 

  1. If there is no God, who pushes up the next Kleenex in the box?

 

  1. When God told Noah to build an ark, Noah said, “BUT it’s not raining.” When God called Moses to free his people, Moses said, “BUT I don’t even know your name.” When God called Jeremiah, he said, “BUT I am too young.” When God calls you, where will your butt be?

 

  1. God has the most reasonable Internet plan. Unlimited.

 

  1. Change is constant and often the opposite of progressive.

 

  1. Giving does not come from excess.

 

  1. Wisdom comes in the silence of listening.

 

  1. When in doubt, shut up.

 

  1. The good that you do will always trump the evil done to you.